just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
