I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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