She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My liver just broke up with me...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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