i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
