am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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