Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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