He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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