they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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