I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
