is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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