she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
