ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Randomize
