woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
