So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
