you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
