I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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