I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
