Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
