watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
