your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
