Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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