No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
