Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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