Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
