Your face is a jimmy john
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
