I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
