no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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