I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
