soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
