your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
