Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
