come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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