they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
