Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
