Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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