So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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