Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
