dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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