we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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