Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
