first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
