i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
