There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize