I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
