He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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