so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am one with the molecules
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
