She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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