don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
third nipple confirmed
me + whiskey = a bad person
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
