Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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