Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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