I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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