my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
