I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
