Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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