Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
