its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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