so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
