Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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