Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
