I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
