I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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