i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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