took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
His nipple licking is glorious
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