let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
