So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
