i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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