Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
