And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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