Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
