One girl and one boy is just not enough.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
