I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
