After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
