he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
